A few weeks ago I got a huge rush of self loathing that took me aback. Seriously I just woke up one morning, saw my dishwasher was flooded with black sludge like water and suddenly got this huge rush of bad juju that broke through my constant state of subdued apathy. Like a sudden feeling of all this bitterness that kind of just took over that I had been keeping at bay like I usually do by trying to not allow any emotion at all. Because lets face it, emotions are wicked gay. This happened a few weeks ago then suddenly went on the rise in the past few days. I'm stressed about work, socially (my roommate is more than likely, in fact im pretty much planning on it, is moving back to Michigan). Honestly I don't blame him and do feel like it would be the best thing for him. However few other things come to mind, the fact that I feel like Tex (from the book Tex) as the one who is left behind. I am too attached to my friends and right now its pretty much down to two after this one leaves and one I dont even talk to that much and he lives 3 doors away. This would be Gimpy of course and the other is Garfunkel who I have been hanging out with increasingly ever since Tanner left. I may be living on "my own" but the fact is that it is in my mom's house and that im renting it. So pretty much nothing is different and this is not a good thing. I should go out and make changes myself however I am so afraid at failing that trying seems like a feeble attempt at boosting my self esteem. My original intent was to go to Florida to go to school, that went down the tubes, then to live in this house with two other friends (and if youve ever visited my house its pretty much not liveable), now its kind of blank. Next step would be to move to a studio apartment, dilemma, my mother can not pay for the house herself. Which sucks but i want out so damn bad its one of the only things that keeps me going. Which also seems bad that the only thing that keeps me going is essentially getting out of my house and living in a studio apartment by myself. It may be unhealthy, but I feel like getting away from this stuff helps. However this is often seen as running away from your problems, which is pretty much how I deal with things. So instead of facing my problems head on like I should of long ago I will probably once again avoid them. Don't worry though, I will still help my mom pay the house. Not like theres anything worthwhile for my money to be going to anyways. Crossroads right now, Im back to extreme self loathing or I can choose to go back to repressed emotions and live at a boring yet void of tribulations lifestlye. Chances are that the latter will be chosen. If you've gotten this far through my shitty pretentious rant I'm not asking for pity. Really I'm not. This is kind of hard to believe, considering I am posting this on a public journal. There isn't really a way to prove that I'm not just doing this so I can get some comments like "It'll be alright, call me sometime" (although I should probably start hanging out with some people I haven't seen in awhile). ON A MUCH LIGHTER NOTE Chris and I have been talking and trying to organize filming of the 13th Item. Which would be the third in the Item series of our movies. We'd actually like to put some effort into this which would require having more than just us in it and while we are currently discussing plot, locations, and of course characters I would like to know if anyone on here would be interested? No promises, considering its not even assured that it will be made in the first place, but knowing if anyone would be interested would maybe make us think of different ideas, characters, jokes, etc. It may even be the first Dream Team film to have any female in it whatsoever besides the days of yore when Gimpy's sister didn't move out of the shot during Pet Sematary or Legend of Bagger Vance 3 Season of the Witch. Or the cameo of her in the Hatrix. Ok, the point is made. So girls, although you are the destroyers feel free to show interest in our ickle wittle film. And by girls I mean like the 3 that may read this. Could be your time to shine Alicia. | 
